Words, words and more words. On a freezing cold and blustery morning, I sit at my keyboard contemplating the week that has past and how I feel about what has transpired in the past 7 days. Our President spoke again on Sunday evening and he was punctual for the first time, so I should see that as a positive. Another positive was not having to endure the inane banter of the Enca news presenters while they wait for the crossing to the Union Buildings. About half of his 40-minute speech was just a rehash of everything he had said before and when he did get to the “going to level 3” it left me confused as to what exactly would be happening on June 1st.
There are so many anomalies in the lockdown rules that it is as if not only have the goalposts been moved, but the game has changed…and I have not been informed. It was also of interest that many of the people I respect had not taken the time to watch the speech. In my opinion that speaks volumes to the fact that both respect and trust that were apparent after the earlier speeches are missing and the message was diluted. My post-speech state of mind was not much different from my pre-speech feelings. Still not much hope for freelance travel writers like myself who will not be allowed to travel anytime soon.
I think that the BeeGees( Songwriters: Barry Gibb / Robin Gibb / Maurice Gibb) got it right when they penned these words in 1976.
This world has lost its glory
Let’s start a brand new story now, my love
Right now, there’ll be no other time
And I can show you how, my love.
I feel that I am on an up escalator trying to go down and getting nowhere quickly. I have to keep moving because if I stop, I will be carried in the wrong direction…back to the darkness and the depression that I felt so intensely a few weeks ago. I badly need to be in control of my own destiny and I am not. I cannot travel and even though my travel destinations are in a less populated area, this is currently not an option. So, for the foreseeable future, I will continue to be a non-travelling travel writer. It seems that the emergency stop button on my escalator has been removed, and I am being carried inexorably in a direction that I do not want to go. So, I have decided to rather step off the escalator, remove myself from the world at large, from news channels, newspapers and social media where I am constantly bombarded by negative content as misinformation.
Staying with the lyric quotes, this time from the pen of James Grant of Love and Money,
It’s just skinny little line
You’re on the up escalator
But you’re living in an upside down world”
I do wish that I had a crystal ball that would show me the way forward. But they don’t really exist and if they do they are often manipulated by charlatans who tell me what I want to hear. Am I grateful for what I do have? Of course I am! There are those who are worse off than I am, but I have to acknowledge that I am a triple threat, Elderly. White. Male and there is nothing I can do that will change that. I have to accept my set of circumstances and try to work with what I have and what I don’t have.
I am in my own boat and to quote from this 1992 song co-written by Victoria Shaw and Garth Brooks:
Too many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
‘Til what we put off ’til tomorrow
It has now become today
So don’t you sit upon the shoreline
And say you’re satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance that tide
And I will sail my vessel
‘Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I’ll never reach my destination
If I never try
The alleged issues with the current draconian lockdown measures is that the few are deciding for the many and not always for the right reasons. When ministers constantly defend decisions, it leads me to think of the Shakeasperian quote from Hamlet, “The lady doth protest too much, methinks”. Are we currently living in the beginnings of a dystopian era where I am not able to comment or question decisions that are being made without my permission and if I do question them are consequences actually worth me tilting at the windmill or raging against the machines? To be truthful, civil disobedience is starting to look like an option. But a lone voice is of no use and not only will it not be heard but it can be shut down very quickly. So, I internalize and try my very best to keep on top of this mental mountain that is slowly but surely sapping my strength and my will to remain compliant. But, being a father and a husband I have to be aware of how my actions will affect both my wife and daughter.
This is how I currently feel. I suppose the better analogy would be the Dutch boy who stuck his finger in a dyke to stop the water from pouring through.
I was asked recently if I would like to be famous. My response was I would rather be remembered with fondness and this quote sums that up.
Is it time to throw the points and head off in another direction? I am not certain, but every day seems to be getting harder to deal with in the current circumstances. But is there an alternative at present? Aside from conforming to the lockdown norm, there is no other alternative. So for now, I will have to remain on the track that I am travelling on and just hope that the light at the end of the tunnel is exactly that and not another engine on a collision course with me. Carpe Diem? I have tried to Carpe the heck out of the Diem, but it does not seem to be working…Hopefully, when I write my next entry we will have been at Level 3 for a couple of days and the situation might be different. Or perhaps nothing will change and I will continue to be on this emotional and mental rollercoaster. Stay healthy and stay safe.
